Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
If it makes you feel better, I doubt anything could survive in your uterus.
i took a picture of my dick. with a stick figure drawn on it. and a paper hat taped to the tip. and i call i the mayor of Dickville
Shit ive learned: when going out to a party, always wear a bathing suit underneath just in case theres a pool with a roof next to it
she gave me her number and i just said "no. cant."
She told me to pick her up in the corner of shame and self-disgust.
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
Also, I would just like to reiterate my apologies for tearing up in the grocery store.
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
You're like my little fucked up version of the groundhog seeing its shadow, only it's boobs and warm weather.
danced like there was no tomorrow. surprise. there's a tomorrow
WHAT THE FUCK DREAM ME
I'M GONNA PUNCH THAT BITCH THE FUCK DID SHE THINK SHE WAS DOIN
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