Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
I was so high I couldn't tell if they were goosebumps or herpes.
totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you"
You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
If he comes over tomorrow, im answering the door naked. Simple as that.
I am truly sorry that you have to put your dog down. He was a great dog, and a great friend. I am still not showing you my tits.
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole
It’s just hard to believe you really care about me when u haven’t touched my dick in 2 months
Stacy lit a fart and burn half of the couch down before we can put the Flames out. Bring your truck.
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