life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
You actually went to class. Im eating dry cereal naked and watching bring it on.
I just wanted to give you a heads up. There's a crab in the kitchen. He doesn't have a name yet. We are just calling him crab for now. Oh! and we have memosas!
The good thing about having holes in your nose from all the drugs you do is that you can't smell nasty things. Like puke.
your bra might or might not be a decoration on me and my roomies xmas tree haha
Be here at 9 and look fabulous. We have drag queens to impress.
That was like a fiery explosion of flailing arms and wonderful passion
they knew we were both to shy to do anything so they got us drunk and locked us in the back yard with a tent. it was fuck or freeze
you have the best friends
You know when you get a stripper pays your bail. You got good wood.
Did I hit my head yesterday? I have a bump on the back of it. Also I just want you to know that I don't blame you for me taking my bikini top off. If I want to be shirtless no man or woman on this earth can stop me.
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
I'm very aware of my heart moving the blood in my body.
BITCH I AM EXPERIENCING THE FEMININE MYSTERY SHUT UP AND GIVE ME DRUGS
Hey long story short Grandma needs bail money.
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