U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
Pot didnt help. Now Im even sadder but now im afraid of the clouds and the crickets.
I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
The view from the bathroom floor this morning is fabulous
Well I talked to some Canadians today, and I'm keeping a vigilant watch for sharks, so I'm pretty booked up.
Wtf are freshmen gonna think when the first thing they see in a pale 6'4 white kid with a mustache yelling ya man and we be liming in a Trinidadian accent
He's tweaking out . If he's on fucking bathsalts and eats my face like a chalupa pull the plug. I don't want to live with no fucking face. Pull. The. Plug.
I'm gay. Congratulations to whoever had January 2014 in their pool.
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
I only drink at bars with bathrooms big enough to have sex in.
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
And the last thing I remember was you in the bed with the german guy screaming "wrong hole" I laughed n passed out
So some guy thought I took second place in a male stripper competition
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