Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
I don't understand why some guys want to have a huge conversation while standing at the urinal with cock in hand...
you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat
He tagged himself in all of my pictures so he would get a notification if someone commented on it.
Restraining orders are what college is about.
she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
You decided to make a porno with gummy bears and things went downhill from there.
i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
GOING OUT OF BUSINESS: we're having a foreclosure party tonight...We'll also be raffling off a washer/dryer, microwave and a white tiger head.
as she was beating the hell out of his ex, she screamed prison rules, and smashed her head with a beer bottle. I'm oddly afraid yet so attracted to her now.
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
I'm not gonna lie; I was dosed with mushrooms and am eating pickles with a guy in all white. It's weird, but I'm down. Help.
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
haha it's ok, I asked people. I was like "I'm high and lost" and the dude just said "That's my life. Love it."
that is very illegal...i love you.
Randomize
