Do you ever go through someone elses pictures and just appreciate the fact that youre not really friends with them?
her bridesmaids come in huge, huger, wtf, and free willy. all their gown are strapless. its like watching the Hindenburg waddle down the isle.
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
Is that a tongue signal to get over there? That's how my two heads are taking it.
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
My day may involve a drug pinata. I LOVE MY LIFE.
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
You're never the same once you're dry humped on the frat house floor
We're ordering chinese food so if you want to get on this obesity train answer me now.
He was more upset that I got into his phone than about getting caught cheating.
Stop fucking Sharon's exes.
Sorry it took me so long to reply. I was fucking Sharon's ex.
I just wanna go home jackoff, eat chicken fingers, drink beer, play halo and go to bed. I'm sick of this shitty school, the shitty kids and having to fucking teach them.
Randomize
