If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.
while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
i love being in ibiza. their hotels are much more receptive to walking around naked in the lobby than our american ones.
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
well I already know I'm going to hell, at this point it's really go big or go home
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
So doing the math I dated almost 2 of me in penises. Like, if I you layed them out lengthwise it would be 2 times my height.
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
My skirt was too short for the church and I brought my flask to the Scrooge play. God bless us, everyone!
Come on, will you just fuck him so we can watch Star Wars.
Only thing exciting about him was his dick.
I think i got my first booty call. it was like she came to my house. sex. leave.
Congratulations. Welcome to the wonderful world of quick dirty secret sexy time.
thanks... i think. haha
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
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