Wanted to apologize for chris browning you when you were on my computer.
Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
Dude, i don't know. I don't remember anything after we started chanting/playing "shot of gin."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
Whiskey and an unstable home life is apparently the fountain that 20-something boys like to drink from.
I thought my broken hand would put a damper on Halloween, but fake costume eyelashes and hydrocodone are kinda fun at the same time.
She doesn't even know his real name...he just keeps calling himself Hans the Third
Side Note: Everyone in my office is getting engaged and having baby showers. And I'm all like, fuck your joy, I just want more string cheese in my life.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Be happy for me... Or horny... Or be a really good friend and feel what I want you to feel. Jealousy
I just had a random tinder dude give me a ride home from school because my car is dead. Tinder rules! It's like Uber, but with boys who want to impress you.
A friendship for the ages born on how horny we both are
I just saw a raccoon get launched out of a tree by another raccoon. They have turf wars...
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
My ex-wife, who I haven't heard from since the divorce, just Amazoned me cherry flavored massage oil and a rainbow caps with the message "Happy Pride". What's the polite response?
Randomize