Here's my recipe for happiness. Go get a pen. 1. smoke a bowl 2. put on explosions in the sky 3. take a bath. Do this for about 1 hour or until all your problems go away.
dude if Megan calls say you Sis was house sitting for me yesterday , she f'n found dana's panties
the australian girl literally just drank an entire pitcher of beer in about twenty seconds. i want to go to there.
Handcuffed. To. Steering. Wheel. Fuck.
I just want him to slap me with his dick and call it love
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
I like it when Amish boys stare at my boobs, even tho I can't tell if it's in appreciation or disgust. Rumspringa, mothafuckers.
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
So besides your brother walking in on you shaving and singing "I'm gonna get asssss" how was your night
Normally roommates threatening each other with knives would be too much crazy for me, but I don't have much going on right now and I feel like this could get interesting. So I think I'm gonna ride this shit out for a while.
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
I didn't even get crazy off of the coke so everything's fine. Also, I think I might have killed my aunt's dog..
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
don't worry, i'll dog sit again, the barking made the sex better, its like he was cheering for us, we were just THAT good.
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
Randomize
