Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
We got so high we made milksteak
I'm to the point in my high that every song eventually turns into Lady Gaga
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
I guess it was to be expected that I was put on somebody's list called penis socket.
I need a gatorade, my back cracked, my crimper, my shot glass, a sock of rice and an explanation.
You did this to yourself.
He asked me to spit in his mouth. I did. Never let me hook up with this guy again.
How can someone be so bad at fingering? It's such a simple concept
I would recommend NOT getting ass enhancement shots.
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
If you're going to do that you're going to need a pleather suit.
I forgot what I was gonna say, but I'm pretty excited to not be pregnant.
probably because i sent a bunch of guys a snap saying happy one year to my nipple piercings
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
Randomize
