I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
I have no idea how to attract men with my personality anymore. He can't see my tits via facebook chat
she literally hasn't taken the mardi gras beads off in three days. she showered in them. TWICE.
I will fight anything that is not spinning right now
The only funny part about this situation was this morning when they rounded up all the drunks in the ER, piled us into a minivan, then dropped us all off at our houses.
This is stressing me out. I feel like I need to eat the dick.
OH MY GOD IT'S LIKE SHOOTING FISH IN A BARREL, EXCEPT INSTEAD OF FISH THEY ARE FIGHTER PILOTS
I swear, when I turn 21 in four months, I'm going to carry a flask around with me, and make a drinking game out of everything.
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
I'm not the kind of girl that sleeps with someone else's boyfriend. But I'm getting waxed just in case I change my mind...
Yes please. My parents would fucking love him and I'd love fucking him. That's a win-win if I've ever seen one.
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
Randomize
