Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
Found your counterpart from cali. Walked into the bar we were in with milk and a donut, ordered a beer and said anything his group wanted was on his tab....dangerous
Did you get any pics? And I can only imagine how inferior you must have felt knowing that somewhere in that room was a guy whose penis was the length of your forearm.
All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
I had forgotten what new underwear feels like. It's as if angels descended from heaven for the sole purpose of supporting my junk.
Btw I'm playing passed out so you can get laid but obviously you need to take the offense just ask him if he wants to go to bed and leave a cigg on the counter
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
Randomize
