this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
Let's just say for some reason we thought it was okay to make a burrito smoothie.
i did make 45 jello shots and that makes me feel more productive then any paper would
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
EVERYONE CAN HEAR YOU FUCKING YOU ARE IN A TENT
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Showering in not my own throw up is really hittin the spot right now.
Someone came into our hotel room and took our remote
What should I do?
He called me in the middle of the night to ask my shoe size. Apparently big feet would make me an unsatisfactory third for the threesome.
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
This bitch goes out driving during the nor'easter to get her ass eaten.. that’s dedication
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