I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
My dad just drunkly made a toast in front of my entire extended family "to my daughter the recent and sucessful college and to my son the drunken whore-monger"
its summer. and we all know college gfs do not count in summer.
college gfs dont count ever. theyre like getting corn rows in jamaica. you feel cool at the time. then you go home and people make fun of you.
so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
never. drinking. again.
lets not get ahead of ourselves.
while being fingered today, I was told I have an abnormally deep g-spot. Now you know, I am a size queen because of SCIENCE.
I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
I know its been a few months but you must know you hve the 2nd biggest dick I've ever seen. 1st place went to a rapper so don't feel bad.
and i'm going to kill you for what you did to my nipples last night. of course i want to hang out
Check having sex on the rocks and dirt on the peak of saddleback mountain off my list.
I felt like a god.
i just found a red feather stuck to my penis and i really wanted to send you a picture but too much
So, then you thought it was a good idea to dress up like the Hamburglar, buy a bag full of McDonalds hamburgers, go to Burger King and throw them at everyone while screaming "HAMBURGLAR!". At that point there was no stopping you.
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
Randomize
