Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
You guys sftrill at mcdondalds?!!!!
Yes.
fuckin bring me a cheseburgeria
I like the name aiden. he likes stella. I told him they're coming out of my vagina, and I will name them what I damn well please. Stella goes.
So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
Just think. Tomorrow you'll wake up, shower, and get your brains fucked out. That's your ice cream. Today is your peas and carrots.
if you really don't think our country's going to shit think of this. Exactly one year from now I will either be in law school or teaching young, impressionable kids, maybe even yours. Try to sleep after that.
you 2 were alone in the living room and the dog walked in and you started yelling what are all these people doing in here
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
are we fucking for lunch or am I using my vibrator ?
are you just sitting in your hotel room drinking popsicle vodka?
.....well anything sounds bad when you say it like THAT
one more hour of this work bullshit and I'm off to get high with your cat.
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
Randomize
