My kitchen smells like failed pina coladas.
Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
I'm seeing double. Its like being in a room full of people
Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
Don't worry, I'm preparing for tonight by lining my purse with a garbage bag.
She sprained her ankle last night trying to flash me.
This is how baked we were last night. Our drinking game: We stare at each other; first one to laugh drinks.
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
Randomize
