My unemployment check should really just be direct-deposited into the checking account of my drug dealer
Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
My sister came home, pulled two nalgene bottles of jaeger-bomb out of the fridge, changed out her 3 inch heels for 6 inch heels and left in under 3 minutes. I've never been more proud of her.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hey, 'thunder cock' as proud as I am for you getting laid, could you put a muzzle on her? I have to be up at 5, thanks.
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
On the 3rd day, she mixed sangria and orange juice and saw that it was good.
I have a cracked rib, no way in hell I'm bottoming for him tonight!
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i hope you're proud of yourself! i just had to ask my boss to put ointment on the rugburn on my back. clothes hurt!
I fucked my ex boyfriend to get shrooms for you guys
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
someone just "made it rain" kraft processed sliced cheese. i forgot what it was like to be home...
Sitting in a music store. There is a 40 something year old guy in a track suit, with a boner, and playing the ukelelie quite intensely.
thanks for thinking of me.
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