As heartfelt as your proposal was- I will NOT marry for money- especially to someone who still owes me $700. You r officially pathetic!!
She was hit by a car at 47 mph and lived. That explains everything.
do people in england often walk their sheep on leashes? or is this guy the exception to the rule?
it only took me 1 hour to write 8 pages. i'm never doing school work without adderall ever again.
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
Hey fuck you and your taint. I'm just riding a canoe called life, back the fuck off. P.s. I need a ride
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
I've slipped into the part of my life where I am not having sex to get Phils tickets from this chick. I need to seriously rethink my life decisions
I woke up to him "wax on, wax off"-ing my boobs. I just reminded myself that I love him and let it happen.
Update. A gay dude just told me I'm the most beautiful thing with a vagina he as ever seen. How should I feel about this?
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
After the bar we stopped to Meijer where I found myself singing little mermaid while rubbing a pack of hotdogs on my face..
Randomize
