Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
This is not my ceiling
He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
And theres a reasonable expectation that if you're fighting over a pair of yoga pants on the ground at VS someones gonna videotape it
I wasn't concerned until I realized he was using the vase my birthday flowers came in as a " big glass" for his 151 and coke.
We fucked in my trunk while on the clock....what did you do at work today?
I swear she lies about being allergic to gluten so she'll get all the jack and not have to drink shitty beer like the rest of us
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Okay well we need to be adults. We're gonna end up with diabetes or some shit.
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
Sometimes self-care is taking a shot of vodka and moving on.
You are cut off. Your giant penis and crazy awesome sex is ruining my body...
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
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