I saw his package. It spoke to me.
There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
It's an acquired taste. Like keystone. Or caviar.
Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
he's werid. hell kiss me after i go down on him but he wont kiss me after i eat anything with mustard.
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
He said that he didn't know what level the sun was on, and then he puked.
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
THE HALLOWEEN QUEST WILL BE PICS OF US IN OUR COSTUMES IN EXCHANGE FOR DICK PICS. IT HAS BEEN DECIDED.
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
I just had a random tinder dude give me a ride home from school because my car is dead. Tinder rules! It's like Uber, but with boys who want to impress you.
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
1 fuck you 2 fuck her 3 ur forgiven 4 im breaking up with her
Randomize
