Do you think red sox nation has an official powerpoint template/memo format for resignations of manny support, bandwagon applications, and other official business?
This martini tastes like the bartender stirred it with his foreskin.
This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
he told me I talked like a deaf person
I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
obviously he has no clue about college dating. it goes drunken sex then the 1st date
Dude that girl I hooked up with Tuesday is in lecture. I told her I was from the Dominican visiting my cousin and was leaving the next day. Hiding under my hood and hangover.
i like feelif swiord YOU ARE A GOD
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
I believe you would have been proud of me last night.. I was chasin Fireball shots with Jack and Coke. Guess there's a reason they call me Whiskey Woman.
how do you make "fuck me in the break room" sound casual?
Seriously, why do I have a mortar round?
YOU FUCKED THE DARE INSTRUCTOR DIDN'T YOU?
Randomize
