I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
Uh oh I Hage to dance yes, my feet are Whitney Houston
I once puked on the side of the hwy driving home and it somehow made me feel more Canadian. So don't rule it out
Um...celebrating is an understatement. You flashed the guy at the mexican restaurant and then screamed, "It's just my bikini, I swear!"
her vagina just converted me to Judaism.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This may have to wait till tomorrow. I smoked so my back wouldn't hurt and I overshot relaxed by like 4 hits casually
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
Banana suit guy has an entourage and they're all douchebags. There is no god.
Thank you for coming with me today. I find it appropriate that we celebrated my negative pregnancy test with slurpees and donuts.
The magnum condom fits. I feel like a manly version of cinderella
Anyone who can sit 4 hours in a doobie circle with their feet in a kiddie pool is ok by me
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