I think my emotional moodswings have reached a new low. I cried for the entire duration of changing my tampon.
people will do anything to get on MTV. like get pregnant.
I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
I mean like, my liver will beg my brain for mercy. Brainll be like I'm Greg Jennings. Liverll be like I'm Darren Sharper. Brainll be like hold my diiiiick.
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm using my dog as a pillow. He's cool with it.
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
YOU IS KIND. YOU IS SMART. YOU IS IMPORTANT. YOU IS CLEANING YOUR OWN VOMIT.
PUT DOWN THE JOINT AND STEP AWAY FROM THE TRUSTAFARIAN
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
Awake! can you bring me my pants...im under the couch
Randomize