so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
How can she be afraid to give you a blowjob? It's not like your penis is going to turn on her and eat her.
i think i have two assholes
neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
he asked me if i had ever jacked off high and then referred to it as a "man-to-man question"
You missed out on a serious adventure. Cops were called. We put a chicken in someones house.
We should live in a duplex and just hook up with randoms for the rest of forever and be animal hoarders.
I found her sleepin on the side of the house in the rocks. so i woke her up and yelled at her and she would only come inside if i let her sleep in the bathroom.
All I remember is this kid kept saying that he has a dream that white kids and black kids can take shots together as one, and just we'd keep drinking to that.
I just put my hair into this ponytail & it looks hideous & really cool at the same time. I am dedicating it to the hangover I have
I wish I saved his nudes so I could anonymously submit them to his tumblr
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
It bothers me when I see my old fuck buddies starting families on Facebook.
Randomize
