I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
Found your dick twin last night
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
She roared AMY HORNEY and hulk hoganed her shirt off. Fuckin marriage time bro
We're looking for the removeable roof from her Miata. Winner gets a 40.
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
It's okay. I've dumbed down my notes over the semester because I knew I wouldn't be up to understanding things come finals.
Let's have sex in an apple orchard
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
My boss want to throw me an everclear birthday.
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
There's a random table in the kitchen...and it's not the kitchen table...we don't know where it came from
Randomize
