I'm walking behind a man wearing a womans shirt, heels, mens pants and a baseball hat
wow. When I'm done with him he's going to have to pop his collar in necessity and not just douchery
btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
one might say we're banned from that church
There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
I miss eating meals at a table and having unprotected sex..
I had to run home with my hands covering my tits this morning. How does this keep happening?
I have no idea what that means but I'm googling things just so I can watch my thumbs move
We just broke my bed mid-sex, laughed, then continued. If that isn't true love I don't know what is.
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
My early Valentine's Day one night stand just took an uber home. Thank you, technology, for letting me enjoy this day in peace. 😍
Im bringing my light up rubber ducky just in case we end up at a rave tonight. HE CHANGES COLOR!
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