tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
Your lack of great college experience of margaritas and foam parties scares me
After blacking out and loosing my phone for a month, I found it in the parking lot across the street. Last text "rager in the street". I remember none of this.
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
it was like fucking a Mumford & Sons song
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
Weddings might be fun but they are not getting fucked in the wilderness fun.
Dude, you need to come and get her. She's sitting on the bathroom floor making hearts with her menstrual blood. And remind me never to let her do jello shots again
You sat outside petting a picture of your cat for hours... not even the real thing... just a picture.
Nice. Make him jerk off and tape it. Send it to his woman. I also love that you had another skype date
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