You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
Celebrating anything "Eve" is never a good choice! I feel like my soul's been put in a blender on the "destroy" setting- in other news: Happy 4th of July
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?"
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
hell or highwater he WILL get a blowjob in the hammock before the end of summer.
Mark my words I will never date another cop again. I don't care if he's JESUS.
I feel like I put a fire out with my hand but idk if that was a dream or not
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
I told you that you couldn’t eat fifty tacos, you slapped me in the face, ate seventeen tacos, and fell asleep on my floor
What conversation warrents "penis" in rainbow comic sans
Randomize
