I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
That's because you're a slut. A slut fucking a fence.
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
what's the name of the guy at the bank you blew to get the lower interest rate?
um. wrong number, but good luck with your loan
I was so intoxicated last night I was giving out my real name and number ugh.
We turned a watering can into a margarita bong.
I'm starting to question if I'm gonna need to bring a raincoat just to drink around u
U act like I can cum on command
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
Lol he touched my butt after his grad party and a shooting star went by. No kidding. My ass is mystical.
He will be so fat that the winter can not penetrate his blubber.
i texted "amiibo vore" to my insurance agent instead of someone else. do you think they'll raise my rates out of disgust?
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
Met this british guy. Played pool. Broke into an apartment and had sex
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