remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
Of course im so fucked up sarah. I fight away tornadoes.
we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
he's 25, hott, and leaving for iraq tuesday, i wanna get in as much as possible...
your life is a nick sparks novel waiting to happen
you said you couldnt let go of the fence because your hand was molding to it.
I'm really proud of her, she waited until she was on tiled floor to start puking on the ground
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
And by go well you mean everyone's hammered right?
Yupp. And someone's bleeding
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
I'd call the fact I ended up in my own bed a huge success
Randomize
