i'm listening to "transmissions" by The Tea Party from like '97 and waxing my legs. fuck i'm awesome in my alone time
My history with restaurant waiters is severely limiting our dinner options.
Just woke up. I have a "Detective Jacob Arnold's" business card in my pocket.
conquered wheelchair sex. it's rather convenient. you'd think it was made for it, with all those handles and adjustable features.
She pointed at me and told her friend, I'm going to fuck him, its going to be really loud, so yes, i need the whole basement.
i gave her a can of corn and told her the cabs are accepting non perishable food items over the holidays. blatant lie and she lives like $40 away
Also, drinking coors light. Fuck that. Fuck that in the fucking face.
I'll be listening to "I will always love you" and sobbing uncontrollably all night, care to join?
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
I took shots of absinthe with my mom just now. Except awful things.
Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
Apparently last night I was doing back bends for the guy making my easy mac because clearly it wasn't easy enough for me.
woke up between a girl's legs. make your own conclusion.
I'm going to be there later than expected. There was a yo-yo incident...
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