we should go somewhere reaaaaaal shady
So pretty much, I was trying to piece last night together and remembered a point where I was pointing to you heart then touching your face. I'm not sure that I ever translated that to "I like your personality better than your looks" but that's what I meant
I can handle NPR. I speak hippie. I took it in college.
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
Good for him. He wanted to accomplish walking across niagara, I'm hoping to accomplish not throwing up tomoro nite, we all have our own priorities in life.
I'll even be awesome and bring pizza for your family, just as a "hey thanks for letting a stranger get trashed at your house" gesture.
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
don't judge my taste in strippers
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
I know. I know. He'll be weekday dick.
Randomize
