that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
Wow. 8.8 earthquake hit Chile this morning
didn't feel it. :)
It's like 5 thousand miles away of course you didn't.
wait what? so it's not in america?
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
yeah they are definitely having sex in that car. joe just yelled through the window telling them to do the "titanic hand print thing"
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
Every part of me is in agreement...but mostly my vagina
I do have a life. It just consists of making scarves and chesse straws now
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
Randomize
