i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
okay just a general question, but if i got arrested, who here would bail me out. this is important.
That's the kind of break up sex that keeps couples together. Damn.
in case you were wondering, even a BJ under a blanket on the back of a bus only lifts a 14-hour bus ride to borderline tolerable.
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
Why did I just find out you and Andrew had sex right next to my face when I passed out on the beach?
At the time it seemed romantic and its also extremely frowned down upon to leave a passed out person by themselves in an unfamiliar place.
Why did I wake up by myself then?
I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
I could
I'm having salsa con queso and a leftover half-drank/flat red bull for breakfast. Nothing you propose doing today would be a downgrade.
i just called my dad a bottom. he agreed
I just traded 5 cigarettes for a sandwich on they greyhound.You owe me 5 cigarettes. I told you I would get hungry.
we dropped acid in chinatown. worst. idea. ever. too many colors. and nobody has any idea where steve is.
Wearing my one sleeve dress...thought you'd like to know I shaved ONE armpit lol
I am in the parking lot of CVS in Auburn. I think a truck full of Plan B and regret just arrived.
Everytime after he came, he'd laugh uncontrolably for ten mintutes. He was sober..
Randomize
