Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
It was odd. His friends dick tasted the same as his. Friends are beginning to have to much in common
Wednesday. Otherwise known, to you at least, as "there are two gay men in my bed" day.
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I wish I could rewind to my 8th birthday instead. I wanna wake up, eat as much cake as I want, and have a Transformers birthday party without someone judging me.
Ha ha. You should see the things I'm doing to my body at Bob Evans.
Upon further investigation it turns out it wasn't blood, but chocolate frosting from the cupcake I shoved in my pocket to "save for later"
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
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He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
She said I'm like warm bathroom-sink water. There's nothing necessarily wrong with me, but she doesn't exactly want to "drink me in"
Ryan. I woke up. At the neighbors house. And by the neighbors. I mean the ones to the north. The ones that hate us. Please call me. I am so confused and you are gone
At the neighbors house?! Like in it or outside???
In it on the fucking couch. No idea how i got here.
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
I do have a history of lying to Customs. I once convinced them I was an astronaut.
Got so high i fell asleep kyaking...for 2 hours.
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