I have to collect my sorority sisters from greek row... I hate how being dd is a night and morning job
I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
Like if god were to send me a cock shot, that's what it would look like.
Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.
well now I have to
Your either lost or getting food, if your lost find me a girl on your way back, if your getting food grab me a double cheese
Brown or brunette? Ketchup or mustard?
I love you bro
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
i've created a new STD.
We've given up. My vagina is tired of constant lonely nights and disappointments. This is our retirement.
you just cant say you love him and then say you want to fuck your boss
Props to the guy blatantly doing coke in the bathroom at the bar. Walked out of the stall with a credit card in hand, sniffing loudly and shouting "choo choo"
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
I feel like everything in my life has been preparing me for my future sex robot experience
You’re so close!!!
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
Randomize
