Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
The doctor put me on 3000 mg of amoxicillin a day. Which, for a sinus infection, seems pretty excessive to me.
Maybe he was just trying to knock out any potential ghonorrhea you might be carrying around.
Ah, my reputation precedes me.
Do you remember that blonde girl he brought home from the bar on Friday night? She didn't leave until Monday afternoon. We didn't even know she was still in his room...what a sketchy weekend.
I need a gatorade, my back cracked, my crimper, my shot glass, a sock of rice and an explanation.
You did this to yourself.
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
I have a very important question for you: what are some good rules to have if we want to turn the nfl draft into a drinking game?
I'm to the point that I've had the revelation that its physically impossible for my arms to be attached to my torso.
I need a kidney, not a pussy. All the pussy in the world isn't going to save my life. Keep your pussy in your pants and give me a kidney.
It’s like a buffet of marriages! Every option is available to you!
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
she compared me favorably to her vibrator
which one?
u ever get horny for food. i ordered a bunch of crepes and its doin it 4 me
Randomize
