.....then i was kicked out of my work christmas party......
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
I just inadvertently flirted with my coworker's 20-year old son. I've known him since he was 14, yet suddenly he looked different.
You are nothing if not reliable.
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years
I pulled an all nighter. So hoped up on coffee and aderall. Pretty sure you could take my pulse through a snow jacket...
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
I have my vibrator between my thighs and I'm listening to high school musical. That kind of high. We're all in this together.
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
Well I either feel like the fat girl or very accomplished because his bed is now broken in three places
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
I just remember banging him and then at some point I went and took a shower and went and laid in the closet
u better not lose ur virginity to a sugar daddy who doesn’t post a pic of himself to tinder
Jus pulled over and stole. Corn out of a. Field. ... get on my level
Randomize
