there is a homeless man oan crack poledancing on a fence... now hes humping it...
Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
I'm at the perfect height to walk up to the corner of my mom's stove and rest my balls on it. Just thought you'd like to know they're warm.
I think it's starting to become crucial that I find a companion for my vagina.
Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
we both turned hook ups into relationships we are crushing this thing called life right now.
I swear to god....if you can give yourself a brazilian you can take a fucking bullet
Nothing warms my heart more than the sight of a naked hockey player in my bed.
wow bdsm is so cute
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
well it was naive of you to actually think you're the only bday sex he had lined up for him today. I'm just suprised he actually had a line forming outside of his room
Also apparently I made a "cake sandwich"--yeah smashed a massive piece of cake between two slices of bread....fucking tequila
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
Randomize
