The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The guy who bit me so hard two nights ago that I had to put Neosporin on my nipple and the guy in my bed right now are two different people. Help
How do I feel about a girl who has a g string tattooed on
Guess whose hungry like a hippo: this bitch.
I've been called an asshole for a lot of things in my life, but I never thought it would be because of potatoes
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
Dont ask questions just say words. where can i find plan b?
Randomize