I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE
I have big tits. Rules don't apply to me.
bouncer thought i was tryin to get the license plate numbers of strippers to stalk them. I had to go show him where I threw up to get back in.
Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
Somebodaw call 311 postw fire bunso on vietena floorwnkd
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
Don't forget to make sex 3rd on your calander
It was great. We stayed up all night talking about objects he'd put in his theoretical vagina.
U were so upset when the shower ruined ur nachos. I didn't kno what to do.
Randomize
