I realized as I was wesiging my engamemby ring that you'd never love me tha same. I have life plans and Sam showed them to me
What? You're not speaking real words.
His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
she ate the whole pudding cup using only her tongue. i'm considering going lesbian for her
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
So howd u manage to get high at a one year olds birthday anyway?
I wouldn't be surprised. You and I have basically synced up our brain chemistry by doing drugs together in the same way that two girls would sync their menstrual cycles by sharing a house.
Jesus I should have learned from my first marriage not to get married again
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1
I buy a new bowl every time I get a new guy. It's retail therapy.
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
Is it too forward if I ask him to bring a condom when he comes over to work on our project?
Blow Jobs and the Patriots Playing I think I’m going to marry her
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
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