She was not exactly lady-like. Down there.
It was unlikely that the relationship was going to end with anything other than antibiotics.
Well, I just hope you know I had your best interests at heart when I put your sandwich down my pants.
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
Woke up next to my bed in a pile of skittles, sleeping on a pair of sweatpants. I can't believe the girl didn't stick around..
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
Theres a 75% chance I'm wearing a hocky mask and nothing else right now
Ps I am
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
It got heated then she just left and I was all alone in the women's restroom.
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
She's not answering my calls
Well it sounds like you really fucked up
WHO HOLDS A GRUDGE OVER MEMES
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
My law teacher drew an elephant on the board in class. I was so high that I laughed for 5 minutes straight. Nobody else laughed and everyone stared. 130 people knew I was high.
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