Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
I like you better when you drink
I like you better when I drink too
My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
you came home soaking wet, and when I asked where your umbrella was, you pulled it out of your bag and were so proud you kept it dry.
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
Blacked out and Irish exited last night. At dinner. On a Sunday.
Well you got kicked off a stripper pole. They said girls only.
Omg I just woke up. In the hallway outside my room. I know you had something to do with this
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
Randomize
