I am puke
you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
He walked in and put an x made out of tape on the floor. He then announced that he was going to pass out there. Cocky or strategic?
i went through the entire semester and only just now realized there's a girl in my history class that i've hooked up with.
Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
There two guys dressed as FEMA workers with jump-suits that say "Post-Disaster Breast Examination Division"
Would you and/or him be willing to dress up like the phantom, sing me music of the night and then bone the shit out of me? this is important.
You described pouring milk in your strawberry cereal as a glittering magnificent water fall, skimming over the mountain and little strawberry citizens.
I vaguely remember hanging my bra off the ceiling fan and chugging a beer during sex
College has turned you into quite the multi tasker huh?
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
making my breakfast out of the pot brownies we made last night. Safe to say it's time to go grocery shopping.
He FaceTimed me fucking his new girlfriend. He was wearing a banana costume.
Been using bowl smoking as a method of time for so long I don't know how long it actually takes to get to work
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