so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
TBS has betrayed me by telling me tyler perry is funny
I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
i've been thru my totinos phase. then after reading the ingredients and nutritional info i almost puked in my mouth. its like having the bastard child of pizza hut and mcdonalds invade your kitchen and start stabbing your digestive system.
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
Things bear mace does not do: repel bears. Things bear mace does do: piss off bears, give bystanders asthma attacks. Lesson learned
Hahahaaa There's this one girl crying hysterically and wrapped around (i believe) her ex's leg. He's trying to shake her off without spilling his beer. This is fucking priceless.
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.
We just did a u turn on the highway to settle a dispute in a game of slug bug
I think a major source of concern would be the fact you snorted a shot. Who does that?
Randomize
