we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
i just made my gag reflex go away.
I wouldn't necessarily say I'm in her pants...I'd say I'm more on the on ramp to the freeway to the long way to her pants. There really isn't a short cut.
She told me to wait on the sofa while she freshened up. She's been in the bathroom for an hour. I have a bad feeling about this.
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
Trying to figure out which chair my head was under last night
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
My day in three words: secret purse cake
This morning was so rough I can't even. I was cutting up vegetables for my omelet on the floor. THE FLOOR. I sat on the floor because I felt like I was gonna vom.
but I have boobs. I'm not going to buy my own drinks at the bar like some kind of fucking animal.
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
Parade of Dicks...that's what I'm calling 2017
You should've seen the look on the guys face when I demanded pho and a beer the second they opened. Obviously he doesn't understand hangovers
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