i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob
I miss the good ol' days when we would yell at strangers from your balcony while wearing our mexican ponchos in the middle of the day.
what ever happened to our old dealer?
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
He told me to put on my big boy pants, then take them off and fuck her before he smacks me with a chair. His pep talks suck.
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
YOU CHEATED ON ME WITH THE WOMAN THAT IS STAYING AT YOUR HOUSE. FORGIVE ME IF IM NOT THINKING YOUR A DEDICATED BOYFRIEND.
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
you're the third guy in less than 24 hours she fucked. I'm glad you lost your virginity just don't act like you climbed Mt. Everest.
DELETE THAT VIDEO OF ME MAKING OUT WITH THAT RUG NOW
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
Maybe those shots of hot dog water wasn’t a good idea after killing a fifth of tequila.. but who’s askin
Watching porn.....Adele is playing in the background...so many emotions right now...so many.
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