oh and i really hope miley falls off this mountain she is climbing
then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
I just want to hug my vagina but I can't!\nLike, I want to wrap my arms around it and say "I'm sorry"
so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
Just had to double check that I had pants on. THAT kind of weekend.
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
I just tried to pass the bowl to my dog for 2 minutes before I remembered she isn't human. It is 7:27 am.
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
we're so committed to being not committed
He shit with the door open. I think that means we are in a realtionship.
The only reason you haven't shit yourself yet is because you don't like having fun.
St. Patty's shenanigans tmrw? I wanna meet dudes lol. Why stop at coronavirus when you can get the clap, too?
Randomize
