She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
Game over. He has a paternity test request on his table.
P.S, i don't recommend doing keg stands on top of vehicles.
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
Well I either feel like the fat girl or very accomplished because his bed is now broken in three places
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
It's going to be like a slumber party but with ketamine
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
i woke up on the couch at 5:24am, hangover, craving for some ribs, but i only had a bag of cheetos and a half empty beer. man what a breakfast.
Sooooooooooooo you woke up on a rooftop. Classy
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