i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
Can I have my ID back now or are you using it to crossdress again?
I know. She seems like she getting that "need some dick" restlessness. Might explain the feisty attitude
Just don't let me fall on anything that can be broken. Unless its a dick
You may see me wearing your shirt to class. It's because I still have the spins and I'm anticipating throwing up on it. Asshole.
Rule of thumb; if you ask me if my tits are fake you will not get to touch them.
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
I've never been more scared for my virginity in my life. And I lost my virginity almost 6 years ago.
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
Randomize
