it went kinda like vodka, childhood memories, screaming/cursing, fist fight, tears, broken shit, passing out. in that order. tis the season.
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.
It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
I want to apologize but I don't know how. Do I just say "sorry for OD'ing on your couch"? I think that just sounds weird.
So. Do you think marshmallow vodka in hot chocolate while eating a graham cracker would = s'mores?
In some strange universe, yes
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
All my money is going towards making my vagina hairless
Worth it.
I'm going to be an 8 year old girl down there foreverrrr #fountainofyouth
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
This is a question I thought I'd never have to ask. How many hits of acid did you give your dad tonight?
I want sex. When is an appropriate time post funeral to ask for something like that. Like when it gets dark out?
Somehow my life has turned in to drug deals at the bar, and illegally camping on a mountain because I have no where else to live.
Randomize
