just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
He probably put up nude pics. He seems like that kind of guy.
Most guys don't get turned on by "skinny, gangly legged girl with glasses laying in bed touching herself." You better start working on your diction if you're gonna keep up the sexting.
I think I slept in the cheesecake last night. Either that or I had a wet dream. Whatever happened I need to wash my pants.
HE HAS A CHODE. LIFE IS NOT GOING TO BE EASY FOR HIM.
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
I am the prescription. I can be taken orally or vaginally and in any dosage. This is why I went to med school.
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
all we have is white fucking wine this is a travesty it's christmas not a fucking funeral
I told my manager that I would be coming in to work either high from edibles on purpose or tripping on acid by accident so he knows to check my work tomorrow.
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
I just got called the stable friend. This makes me super uncomfortable
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
I’ve lost count of how many disciplines of science this conversation about Harry Potter has gone through.
Randomize
