Ok I love you more. To infumty and beyong.
i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
its like fishing. just send her some cock shots to keep her on the hook then use tequila to reel her in
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
Instead of sending me a picture of his dick, he sent me a drawing of it on drawsomething. This game is getting out of control.
SEXX, SEXX, SEXX,SEXX,SEX SEX SEXXXXXXX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEXSEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEX.\nimagine that to the can can song. also come to my house. theres a dance routine.
Just bought shock top, Trojans, double shots and baby oil. At 8 am. While the lady in front of me bitched about her expired coupons.
just for future reference, lake water is NOT mix for hard stuff. nor is it an adequate substitute.
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
WHO GIVES HANDJOBS AT 8 IN THE FUCKING MORNING
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
it's the international house of making me almost fucking shit myself
Drunk is a universal language darling
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