the bus pole looks like a man who feels guiltyty about something
grab my backpack.....its in the fridge
I would call you but I don't feel like these hands belong to me.
I'd feel sorry for him and his injury but it's an inconvenience for my vagina
If there's so much of a hint of a whisper from somebody I didn't tell personally, I will cut off your balls with a chainsaw, cauterize the wound with a flaming rusty spoon, feed your balls to your dog, and feed them to you when he shits them out, capiche?
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
I just don't remember. It's like I went to bed on July 3rd.. and woke up on the 5th. Nothing.
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
Currently on my Sunday walk of shame. Should I go to church?
You're a hot mess, you know that?
At least I'm a FUN hot mess. Like a train crash full of pizza, fireworks and glitter.
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
Just woke up with only a scarf and my uggs on. i hate partying naked in winter.
kick those bitches in the teeth and tell them mama came to party
Call me a snob but I'm not banging chicks with more fingers than teeth.
Randomize
