I just offered a homeless man a meal from McDonald's, and he replied "I don't eat McDonald's food". That is the epitome of "begger's can't be choosers."
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
she drove 3 hrs one way just to sleep with me. I felt bad complaining about paying for condoms.
Just threw up. It looks like I may have swallowed a cigarette.
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
Don't know how your birthday has been, but mine has involved Hershey's syrup and a blowie. It's safe to say you're playing catch up.
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
You could totally spank that new found Catholicism out of him.
Do u have any idea how hard it is to masturbate in a CVS bathroom when your name is being called over the speakers to pick up a prescription for painkillers?
Are there rules against fucking your ex's dealer?
I can't remember what I did last night, but judging from the state of my hair I had a pretty good time.
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
A drunk frat boy just jumped on the hood of my car while I was driving down Bridge St. He yelled at me to keep going since he was playing frogger and needed another car to jump on... or a log. I hate this town.
Randomize
