He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse.
That combination of brocholi bacon eggs cheese ketchup and pasta would have been a revaltion had you not thrown up on the stove and put out the pilot light
his mom cheated on his dad so i think he has a weird freudian thing for whores
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
Exactly, finding that perfect flask to come with you on all your adventures is like finding the perfect wedding dress. You have to feel it.
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
Now you know for the next time you go in the basement to wear a helmet
Just sharpening my eyeliner with a butterfly knife. You know. Typical weekday morning.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
if you come you're not allowed to wear pants. if you arrive wearing pants you won't be wearing them long.
i do my most serious thinking while screwing her. ive pondered everything from quantum physics to the life cycle of a badger. if i keep this up ill have a phd in no time.
Well it might’ve been because you asked to play What Makes You Beautiful at the club
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
They stopped fighting to partake in M&Ms and porn.
Randomize