I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
I'm terrified to sleep next to her. Of course the sex will be fuckng awesome.
It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others..
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't even know. I woke up in the bathtub with no shirt, covered in towels holding what appeared to be vanillia pudding mixed with captain morgan.
So I know we're not talking about this anymore buuuuuut I left heel marks on the wall.
You just wrote a check for drugs...pretty sure you don't have cash for beer..
Must say, as a couple, she and I are thrilled that our pretend lesbianism has paid off.
He was late, on account of he accidentally went to the Al-Anon meeting across the hall, and it took him 30 minutes to realize he was in the wrong room.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He's all enlightened and liberal. My next beefcake will be much more Neanderthal.
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
well i don't know if 30 seconds is exactly a good time but at least he bought me breakfast
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
Harry Potter pub crawl tonight. You know you're living your life right when your check list for the evening is wizard robes, wand and acid.
Best news I’ve heard all day. Cookies and dick. What more could a girl ask for?
Randomize