Gay walks of shame are so much more Amy Winehouse than straight girls
Horny girl and non horny girl have different views on life
We just made a drinking game out of our chemistry review. This might explain my chemistry grade.
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
By the way, we're gonna have to get a new rug for the livingroom i kinda started ours on fire...
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
Remember that night I drank a bunch of vodka, pounded your Jameson because 'you were a pussy', punched you in the face and ran off as fast as my high heels could go? It was just my Russian and Irish sides fighting for genetic dominance
Alright, who started the "how long till dereck gets deported from Australia" pool? I want in on that.
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
I just found my lube on the ground next to my bed. I would pay money to find out what the fuck happened that night.
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
Omg. I just remembered my underwear is in my wallet
Hot or not, she’s from Boston. It’s hard to nut when she sounds like Mark Wahlberg
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