Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
when she was cumming she looked like terri schiavo. it took all of my memorized porn images to not go limp.
If I had a nickel for every time somebody called me a bad person I would have enough money to check into rehab
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No. My vagina is not the scapegoat for your poor decisions.
No, i will not have sex with him again. It felt like he was trying to bulldoze his way through me. My vagina is on strike.
she's traveling up the coast with her camera and a stash of pot cookies eating food from different campuses. said she slept in a closet 2 states away last nite... of course I'm interested
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
He saved that picture of my boobs for good luck romance still exists
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
I got blackout last night and applied to be a banker
I can’t believe you’re letting her use the Mercedes
It seemed like a better idea while she was giving me a hand job. It’s a good thing we weren’t having sex. Who knows what I would agree to during sex
Randomize